The Sum of My Actions
by katiek723
Summary: Blaine withdraws into himself after Dave's suicide attempt, and Kurt is so worried about him that he tracks down his old Sadie Hawkins date to see if he can find out something that might give him some insight into what's going on in Blaine's head.


**AN: **_Just a little drabble from my Tumblr (itapedittoblainesunderboob) in response to prompt 20 on blangstpromptoftheday_

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><p>'That's what he told you?' Kyle laughed into his drink, but it was anything but funny. It was bitter and hollow and empty and it grated against Kurt's skin like sandpaper. 'Look, Kurt, I have to go,' he said suddenly, pushing his chair back from the table and standing.<p>

'No, please,' Kurt reacted on instinct, reaching across to grab his wrist. 'Please, you're not telling me something and I need to know.'

Kyle looked down at the hand curled around his arm and closed his eyes, a weak defence against the memories that washed over him.

'Please let go of me.' He whispered, voice rough with restrained emotion. Kurt looked horrified as he realised what he had done and dropped his hand back immediately.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean…'

'It's alright,' Kyle replied, voice slow and measured. 'You just really need to go, Kurt. Go back to Blaine, and forget all of this. It's not important now, it's not worth dredging up the past.'

He was half way to the door before Kurt found his voice again, and shouted out before his brain could catch up with him, 'I think he's going to hurt himself.'

Kyle stopped in his tracks, as a number of heads around the packed coffee shop snapped in their direction, attention drawn by the raised voice and promise of drama and gossip.

He wanted to just keep going, carry on walking, but he couldn't. Kurt seemed like a decent guy, a good person, and leaving him in the dark and so clearly terrified just seemed cruel. He wasn't certain turning on the lights wouldn't be more so, but really, what choice did he have?

He turned around and took a step towards Kurt, but stopped again when he realised they still had the eager attention of their neighbours.

'Come on,' he motioned to the door, 'we'll talk somewhere private.'

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><p>They sat in silence, perched next to each other on a park bench, arms huddled around themselves to withstand the cold. It was not comfortable weather to be sitting outside, but at least it was private. Kurt waited for Kyle to speak, but it soon became clear that he wasn't going to be the one to break their silence.<p>

'_It's only fair,' _he thought to himself, '_I tracked him down on facebook, I dragged this to his front door, I guess I should at least explain.'_

'Our friend,' he started quietly, 'well, no not our friend, but someone…it doesn't really matter, someone we know, he… tried to hang himself.'

He saw Kyle's head turn in his direction, but didn't look back, just continued to speak.

'Because he's gay, or…not just…because people found out, and they were giving him a hard time about it; pushing him about, writing stuff on his locker, on the internet. And Blaine, he just…he won't speak to me about it, won't even let me bring it up, but it's really affected him. He's been so distant since it happened and nothing I say seems to get through to him. I just want him to open up to me and I'm worried that if I can't soon then….' He broke off, choked with tears at the thought of it.

He finally looked at Kyle, expecting to see understanding, solidarity, regret at the pain of an old friend, but was instead shocked at the hard, callous look in Kyle's eyes and the tight clench of his jaw.

He drew back a bit, eyebrows knitted together in confusion, and rushed to try and explain himself better, explain why he was so worried.

'I know he went through so much after the dance, after what they did to him, to you both. That's why I tracked you down. I thought..I don't know, I thought maybe you might know something, be able to tell me…'

'IT NEVER HAPPENED, KURT!' Kyle burst out, then snapped his mouth shut again. He hadn't meant to shout it like that.

'What? I don't…'

Kyle wanted to back-peddle, make up some excuse and pretend it meant nothing. Instead he found himself leaning forwards, dropping his head into his hands as he spoke.

'Everything he told you, it didn't happen. At least not the way he said it.' He let out a soft snort. 'Quite the opposite, in fact.'

'I don't understand.' Kurt looked close to tears. Kyle knew that what he had to say would only make them fall faster.

'I didn't go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with Blaine, Kurt. I went with Mark, my boyfriend.'

'But, I don't get it. Why would they beat Blaine up if he didn't go with you? Did he go with someone else?'

'God, you really _don't _get it, do you?' Kyle sneered. 'Blaine didn't get beaten up. _He _beat _us _up. Him and his thug team-mates, they followed us outside and kicked the crap out of us for having the audacity to flaunt ourselves in public.'

'No, no no no,' Kurt whispered, voice shaking and desperate, 'he wouldn't, he would never…'

'Blaine was the most vicious of them all. I guess now I know why.' Again, Kyle laughed, that awful humourless laugh. 'There's no hatred greater than self-hatred. Especially when you've got someone else to take it out on.'

Kurt stumbled away from Kyle, swiping angrily at his tears.

'No, I don't believe you, he wouldn't…You're lying, you have to be…'

'Mark killed himself.' Kurt stopped speaking instantly. 'A month later. He couldn't cope with the constant hate, the taunts, never knowing if or when it was going to happen again. Got drunk and slit his wrists.'

Kyle cried openly at the memory, face buried in his palms.

When he finally looked up, Kurt was gone.

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you liked it :p Might do a second part if there's any interest<strong>


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